You can use this checklist to discover areas in which you’d like to make changes. I recommend printing this page and taking 15-30 minutes to read over it and circle items that apply to you.
Then I can help you to make these kinds of changes in our Personal Change Consulting sessions together.
Note that for people who already know they have many things to work on, this list could be triggering or overwhelming. You don’t have to review the entire list at once.
It may seem odd to you that I could help facilitate changes in so many areas. But even just with two generally applicable methods (Core Transformation and Aligning Perceptual Positions), most of these things could be significantly changed. Add in a few more methods from NLP and all of these things are workable. It will still take effort on your part over time however!
At one point in my life, many of these items would have applied to me — now, very few of them do. That’s because I applied these methods over time to myself over hundreds and thousands of hours of practice.
The following is adapted from the Core Transformation Questionnaire created by Connirae and Tamara Andreas, with some original questions added from Duff McDuffee.
- Do you get stuck in an unpleasant emotion or mood such as depression, anger, rage, grief, jealousy, hurt, fear, anxiety, loneliness, emptiness, intimidation, etc.? Do you ever get triggered into an emotion you don’t want to feel?
- Are there times in your life when you’d like to have more of a pleasant emotion like love, joy, peace, excitement, enthusiasm, kindness, compassion, motivation, etc.? Are you capable of doing so easily, or would you like to be able to do so more easily?
- Do you have difficulty feeling your emotions, or some emotion specifically? Do you have few words to describe your emotional life (e.g. sad, mad, glad)? Would you like to develop more emotional flexibility and a richer emotional life?
- Can you feel every part of your physical body just by placing your attention there, or do you have “kinesthetic amnesia” or inability to feel certain areas of your body?
- Do you have difficultly concentrating on one thing at a time? Do you often get distracted or can’t remember what you were doing? Do you allow other people, or notifications from apps and devices to distract you when you are focusing on something important, to the extent where you feel you can’t get anything done that requires concentrating?
- Do you have difficult making decisions? Do you frequently make poor decisions?
- Do you have difficulties with eating, such as overeating, undereating, bulimia, or anorexia? Do you “fight with yourself” about what to eat or how much to eat?
- Are you overly attached to smoking, alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, relationships, money, achievement, attention, things, sugar, fatty foods, caffeine, video games, shopping, the internet, Facebook, texting, or something else?
- Do you have “nervous” habits or mannerisms, such as biting your fingers or fingernails, drumming the table, bouncing your leg, a “nervous laugh,” etc.?
- Is there a habit you would like to develop? For instance exercising daily, eating more healthfully, getting up early, a creative practice (writing, playing a musical instrument, photography, etc.), clearing out clutter, writing a to-do list every morning, etc.?
Fears and Courage
- Do you have a specific phobia of spiders, dogs, elevators, flying, or something else which impacts your ability to function, or else just provides an opportunity to live in a more relaxed and calm manner?
- Are you afraid of or get anxious in some social situation? For instance parties where you don’t know many people, in certain groups of people, at family gatherings, when talking on the phone, cold calling sales prospects, when presenting in front of a group, public speaking, social dancing, telling people about what you do for a living, etc.?
- Would you like to be more courageous when it comes to some activity or social interaction, e.g. learning a new activity like rock climbing, learning to play music, introducing yourself to new people, doing public speaking, marketing your business, learning a new skill, going back to school, asking someone on a date, or starting a business?
- Do you worry a lot about something, for instance money or health issues or the state of the world? Do you experience a lot of anxiety when you think about your future?
- Are you procrastinating a specific big project like a master’s thesis? Or are you a chronic procrastinator who puts off all sorts of important little and big tasks? Do you experience great difficulty getting yourself to do things that you don’t want to do?
- Does your future just appear bleak, dark, or even blank? Do you have nothing positive to look forward to in life? Or would you like to have more positive and exciting things to look forward to?
- Does it make you feel bad to know that someone else is better at something that you are? Do you feel driven to look the best, have the best/most, be the most popular, etc.?
- Is it difficult for you to ask for what you want? Do you usually go along with what others are doing, even if you don’t like it? Or do you instead always demand that you get what you want and that others do what you say without considering what they want too?
- Do you sometimes say you agree with others, even if you don’t really agree? Or the opposite — do you sometimes verbally disagree with others in harsh ways when you don’t really disagree?
- Is your attention usually on pleasing others? Do you do things for others at your own expense? Are you willing to do almost anything to gain the love and approval of others?
- Is your attention usually on dominating others and being “alpha,” the boss, or in charge? When you enter a room, do you scan it to see who is “top dog”? Do you steamroll or ignore other people’s opinions and needs just to get what you want? Are you willing to do almost anything to get what you want, regardless of the needs and desires of others?
- Do you often avoid being with people? Do you ever feel unsafe around people who are no threat to you?
- When you are with people, are you reluctant or afraid to fully “be yourself”? In intimate relationships, do you find yourself pulling back from the other person to avoid intimacy? Do you have difficulty being “present” with another person?
- Are you afraid that you will be abandoned?
- Does it seem as if you could not live without another person? Does it seem like your life would fall apart if a certain person was not there? Do you find yourself relying on someone else to make decisions for you?
- Is it difficult for you to trust anyone? Do you often assume that others have evil motives? Do you regard only a few people as “good people”? Do you tend to say things like “Men are jerks,” or “Women are devious”?
- Do you tend to trust people inappropriately? Do you ignore other people’s limitations in ways that injure you? Do you try to convince yourself that someone is more mature or more evolved that they really are?
- Do you usually want to be the one in charge? Does it anger you when people do things you can’t control?
- Does it upset you when someone else seems to be on a power trip?
- Is it difficult for you to keep commitments? Is it common for you to say “yes” and then regret it? Do you ever say “yes” and then back out? Do you avoid making commitments or promises altogether?
- Do you strive to be in the limelight? Do you feel uncomfortable when someone else is getting all the attention? Do you ever feel compelled to take credit for things you did not do?
- Do you get into arguments about “who’s right”? Do you cling to your position, even when it is clear to you that the other person is right? Is it difficult to admit that you made a mistake?
- Do you often think about problems in terms of whose fault they are? Do you argue about who is at fault?
- Do you think other people should take the blame and admit they caused problems for you?
- Do you tend to blame yourself for other people’s mistakes or feelings? Do you sometimes judge yourself for making mistakes? Is it difficult to forgive yourself?
- If someone does something that you don’t like, do you try to get even? Do you feel compelled to push people’s buttons? Are you often sarcastic? Do other people often take offense at things you do or say, even though you don’t know what they’re upset about?
- Is it incredibly important that others think well of you? Are you tempted to stretch the truth or even lie, in order to maintain a positive image?
- Are you sometimes tempted to be dishonest in order to get what you want from others?
- Do you sometimes feel a desire to control or manipulate other people in order to get what you want, regardless of whether it harms them?
Cleaning Up the Past
- Do you have one or more specific memories that when you think about them, you immediately feel fear? For instance, some traumatic event, or situation that felt hopeless at the time, which still gives you an unpleasant emotion when you think about it, or even gives you flashbacks or nightmares?
- Do you experience a lot of guilt, shame, regret, or remorse about things you have done?
- Are you still grieving the loss of someone or something you lost long ago?
- Were there times in your past when you “learned” something unhelpful, perhaps something you know isn’t really true but you’re not sure how to “unlearn”?
- Do you have some behavior, problem, or belief that you suspect you picked up at some earlier age, but which is no longer useful?
- Do you have a difficult time remembering positive times in your past? Are there positive times, places, activities, or people in your past that you would like to recall with greater clarity and vividness?
- Is it difficult to accept yourself unless you are “perfect”?
- Are you overly critical of your behavior when you make small mistakes?
- Do you think of yourself as better than other people and look down on others?
- Do you think of yourself as inferior to others, and look up to others, or feel others look down on you?
- Are you ashamed of yourself or of your behavior?
- Would you like to improve your self-esteem?
- Do you lack a sense of who you are?
- Do you have a physical illness that you suspect could be related to unexpressed emotion or stress?
- Have you defined yourself as co-dependent?
- Are you abusive towards others?
- Are you or have you been a victim of physical, sexual, mental, emotional or spiritual abuse?
- Do you find yourself behaving in ways that are self-defeating?
- Are you over- or under-achieving?
- Are you preoccupied with money issues?
- Do you experience a lot of inner conflict?
- Do you have obsessive thoughts about something?
- Do you feel your life lacks meaning and purpose at an existential or spiritual level?
- Are you wanting to develop a habit of giving time or money to charity? Do you want to become more generous?
- Do you currently have an exercise program that you enjoy and is supporting your goals that you are making incremental progress with?
- Are you currently eating the kinds and amounts of food that are supporting your physical and mental health, as well as fitness goals?
Got some things that you’d like to change? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit for working together to change them.